Growing up, many men and women are taught to be embarrassed about their sexuality, and that such matters have to be earmarked for marriage, and that their sexuality (and their sexual relationships, married or otherwise) should likewise be heterosexual. Most small, regional communities are often unaware, ignorant or intolerant of even the most widely accepted of the diverse sexualities and genders that exist.
These thoughts have been ingrained into the minds of several, but anybody fighting conflicts between their sexuality and their sanity needs to know that what they have been educated with are only ideas. These thoughts aren’t universal, and there are probably people in precisely the exact same city, congregation or loved ones of a person fighting that sense and believe otherwise. Maintaining your anger in the aftermath of guilt, shame, fear, and repression may be an overwhelming undertaking, but it is totally and completely feasible to work through some contradictory ideas and achieve a more calm, fulfilling and healthier life through understanding yourself and your sexuality.
Many of my readers may probably be surprised to hear that as a late teen I once planned on waiting to have sex until marriage, dawned a “virginity rules” t-shirt, and wore a purity ring. Obviously, I have since become sexually active (even before I was married) and I’m totally comfortable with my sexuality and sexual identity, and am quite open and speak openly about sex. This dramatic shift did not occur immediately, however, and it did not come easy.
I grew up in a really sexually repressed surroundings, one where I had been told that intercourse was just intended to be between one male and one female, that are married to one another, with anything which wavered from this standard being incorrect, filthy, and sinful. Due to this, I fought greatly during my sexual awakening. It started off as being inquisitive about my own body– what parts were, what they looked like, what it felt like when they touched me– and then feeling guilty, embarrassed, and filthy after I allowed my curiosity to get the best of me. As my sexual feelings climbed, and I longed to experiment with different people, I’d constantly stop myself before matters got “too much” and my innocence was called to question.
My mom refused to talk to me for days after locating a sixteen-year-old-me along with a boyfriend cuddling together on a sofa watching a film; she punished me for weeks after discovering that I’d gone out on dates and kissed boys. I felt to be an abomination for being drawn to also women as well as men. For me, there was no support network for young people like there is today. I’d attended seminars in which “innocence” talks were granted, and that I was convinced that my entire body was earmarked for my future husband solely, and that no guy would like to marry me when I gave in my sexual desires and also allow other guys (let alone ladies!) touch me. They said I had been like tape: which you simply stick the very best the first time, and then the bond gets poorer and poorer, and I thought their claims to be true.
They also made me feel wrong for something which is not just completely organic, but may also be great, even outside the very restricted contexts some people today present the good of sex or gender as merely happening behind closed doors so to say
If you are reading this article right now, it might be you felt the way I did, and you are on a quest to find out what to do about those feelings you are experiencing. I am here to try and help you, by telling you that everything you’re feeling is okay and that embracing who you are and your sexual identity is good for both your mental and physical health.
The most significant thing that I wish to state is, there isn’t anything wrong with you. Allow me to state that one more time. There isn’t anything wrong with you. It is fine to be interested in your entire body. It is fine to explore your own body. It is fine to masturbate. It is fine to have sexual feelings and desires. It is fine to be with different individuals sexually when that is something everybody involved consents to. It is fine to be drawn to either men or women, or to be either gender. In an ideal world, anyone struggling with their sexuality would see that and think “Oh, alright! I don’t have anything to worry about afterward,” and from that point out there accept themselves and fight no longer. Regrettably, however, we do not reside in an ideal world, and while these words that you just read can facilitate the fighting just a little bit, they are not magic.
Coming to terms with the reality that being a sexual being is, in reality fine, may take a while, but the simple fact that you hunted for and discovered this post is a great beginning and a step in the ideal direction. It means you are probably wondering why you’ve been educated about sexuality and sexual health in such a poor way and why it turned into a bad thing. The sooner you accept and embrace your sexuality, the happier and healthier you will feel!